Life is still Crazy

I am so mad that I forgot about my blog for a couple of months.......



I so needed it too...............



Life is still Crazy and my marriage is still the pits.................



I wish that I could figure a way out of this mess but how and with what....................



I used to feel like my husband loved me and that he just had a hard time showing it................



But now I don't think that is true..............



I don't think that he loves, cares, or even has any kind of respect for me.....................



So what do you do with that...................



I have voiced this feeling to him and I got silence back......................



So that meant to me that what I was feeling was correct and that he could care less that I felt this way.........................



My heart is so hurt and my mind in confusion...............



What is left for me to do......................



Part of me just wants to die, and I don't mean literally but figuratively.........................



If I can some how kill MY spirit and my feelings maybe it would be okay.........................



But how do you accomplish something like that..........................



And if I kill that part of me what will be left................



Will I still be able to love my kids, my self, my life..............................



Or would I just be a cold unhappy being that has lost her soul.....................



I cry everyday now and I feel like I am dying...............



I don't really have someone to talk to and I feel very alone.................................



The people I have tried to talk to tell me talk to him, but how do you talk to someone who doesn't want to talk or really even care...............



He made it very clear to me that I don't matter that no matter what he didn't care how I feel......



So now what.................................

I wish there was some all knowing Sayre that could give you the answers you need...................

But for now there is just me and my confusion..................................